Loneliness is an element of grief shopping that I was not aware of until now. There are times I become so lonely that I’ll pick up my phone and begin browsing online shopping sites. Buying things I don’t need merely because it blocks out the reality of my circumstances. Recently I ordered an expensive coffee table for my living room. To justify the purchase I told myself that I needed it and that a new home deserves new furniture. But truthfully this beautiful coffee table appeared in my inbox during the one-year anniversary of my sister’s death and memories of that horrible day bombarded me. I hadn’t made the connection until the table arrived and after I’d sat down to do the day’s workbook exercises for my grief support group.
I would love to say that this is the first time I’ve done such a thing, but in all honesty, I’ve been doing it for quite some time. Completely unaware that the constant stream of Amazon deliveries was nothing more than the same. For example, a water bottle awaits returning, and books I’ve ordered I am no longer am interested in. These are only two examples of the many items I’ve purchased during the past year.
What is grief shopping?
You may wonder what grief shopping is and how it differs from regular emotional or compulsive spending? Grief purchases occur after the death of a loved one and as a means of coping with that loss. Be it loneliness, anger, or any of the other stages of grief that accompany such pain.
After the death of my mother, I bought a BMW. Justifying the purchase because the transmission had gone out in my other vehicle. But, rather than research a more reasonably priced car, I convinced myself of how much “I deserved“ that car.
Prior to that, I’d never considered a BMW, but with thoughts permeating my mind that “life is short,“ I made the decision and bought it. While I still own this nice vehicle I’ve since learned to take time to consider my rationale behind such large purchases. A principle that is taught in many grief support groups.
Online shopping while grieving
As previously stated, shopping online has become quite a problem for me. My Amazon Prime membership has been well used over the past year. Rationalizing that it was safer to order online rather than shop in person. Holiday sales with drastically reduced prices may tempt you and me to buy items we probably would not have previously considered. My new coffee table quite honestly could’ve waited. In fact, it wasn’t even on my list of items to purchase this year for my home. Serving as further confirmation that it was indeed a grief purchase.
How to identify it
With regards to my own grief shopping, I will confess that the Lord brought it to my attention while I completed my grief share workbook exercises the same day as my new coffee table arrived. Honestly, It’s not something I could have identified on my own. As you move about your day ask the Lord to reveal the same thing to you.
Pay attention to your spending and notice if there are any unopened packages laying around your home. This could be an indication of grief shopping. Also, make a list of any subscriptions that have been created since your loved one’s death. Cancel any that aren’t being used or are no longer necessary.
Conclusion
Finally, my examples of grief shopping were minor in comparison to what could’ve been. Horror stories of home renovations gone horribly wrong are growing rampant throughout the country. For example, check out this recent news clip.
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