After watching Pastor Steven Furtick’s sermon “Rescue Your Testimony“ on Sunday I decided to share my own. Several years ago, I was the recipient of inappropriate behavior from a Pastor who stared at my feet for a long time during a staff meeting that had taken place in a couple’s home.
Once the meeting began he realized his wife and the entire staff were watching him and started verbally abusing me about a previous incident that had been resolved. Needless to say I left that church and never returned.
I eventually tried returning to my childhood church. Not realizing that lies and gossip about what really happened had already begun. People wrongly assumed that I had somehow tempted that Pastor into behaving so ungodly and that I was trying to do the same thing to the pastor of my childhood church. Especially since I’d met with him to discuss being part of the ministry team. Ultimately I left that church too.
During this entire ordeal, I was grieving the deaths of several family members. My youngest brother was shot and killed by his neighbor over noise dispute. Four years after that, my mother died unexpectedly of a brain aneurysm and some of you may know that I lost my youngest sister a few years ago to blood clots. This was also unexpected. The grief was both immense and isolating.
Oddly enough during the same period I also endured racism on my job. After working behind the scenes for most of my library career I was placed in public service after a contract between agencies ended. During this time I worked at two different libraries where diversity was low. I only lasted 6–9 months in each and retired early as a result.
The mistreatment and judgment, I experienced from people was insane. People were not aware of the deep depression from grief, racism, and the loss of community I endured. As a result I continued to isolate myself. I am deeply grateful to many of you on Instagram for reaching out during these difficult times. #InstagramFriends
Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there. I am now in the midst of renewed hope and thankful for it. I hope for a better life and restored health and ministry in Christ. Forgiveness and deep healing is needed, but God is moving. The verse I cling to is Jeremiah 33:6 which reads:
“Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them; and I will reveal to them an abundance of peace and truth.” Jeremiah 33:6 NASB
Thank you for taking the time to read my testimony and may God bless you. Please continue to pray for me.
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