God has been speaking to me about returning to ministry. Even more so since I’ve decided to move. More on that in a separate entry. It has been nearly ten years since I preached my last sermon and five plus years since I stopped going to church completely.
After watching a retirement video on YouTube (I’ve been retired since 2018) I began to consider the advice given. One of which was to always have a backup plan. When I retired my only desire was to serve God in ministry full time. There was no plan B, so when my only plan fell through, I was left without direction for my life.
Oh yes, being retired was and is wonderful. Not having to get up and go to work each day is a blessing. But after a while it becomes mundane. Especially if you’re not traveling or pursuing a hobby. The thought of travel was never a priority, so I didn’t really plan for it. I’d always envisioned myself in the temple serving God. Psalms 27:4 was my hearts cry.
“One thing I have desired of the Lord,
Psalm 27:4 NKJV
That will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.”
I often found myself grieving the loss of ministry even thought it was an ungodly act that caused it and nothing I’d done myself. This evening, however, I began to see the blessing of God NOT giving me the desire of my heart. If I were to have had my heart’s desire it probably would’ve amounted to full time work without the pay. And while I don’t mind volunteering for the Lord, I’m fully aware of the abuse that could have transpired.
Teaching bible study, leading prayer services, hospital visits and meetings all on a somewhat weekly basis could have easily been my life. Not including the routine sermons required to preach and the preparation needed. All without pay and an increase in gas prices and overall cost of living.
What I realized is that my plan did not leave room for my dreams. I wanted to and would have fully immersed myself in ministering full time and while it’s an admirable goal it wasn’t balanced. My dream was to buy a cute house near the ocean and simply enjoy life. How the two would coincide never occurred to me. I just knew I wanted both.
Now the Lord is showing me that I can have both when I move. I’ll be honest and confess that healing is still taking place, but the Holy Spirit has been ministering to me. Especially during my devotional time. I guess what I want to say is that I’m grateful God did not give me the desires of my heart, because moving to another city will not only fulfill my dream of living near the ocean but will coincide with me serving Him in ministry. There are some things only God can do, and some things are definitely worth the wait.
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